We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
