Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
