ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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