All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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