Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
