When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She's the barista slut.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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