Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
