He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just want nice things and good sex
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
