i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
