I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
