look no pants
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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