I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
