thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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