We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
