Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
