oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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