I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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