I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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