i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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