I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
