She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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