Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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