And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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