i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
