thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
