There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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