Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
