You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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