So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
