I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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