She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
