fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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