You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
