I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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