Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
my liver is dry heaving
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
