im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
