I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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