it hurts more in the daytime
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
