she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
