Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
