my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
