last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize