i don't like sucking hair
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
