I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
and you fell through a lawn chair
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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