he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
