I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
