After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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