i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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