I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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