I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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