I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
