found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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