I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
