Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
