I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
