Reggie can tackle my bush.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
