I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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