you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
