It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
