Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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