just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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