why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We need to rekindle our bromance
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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