I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she told me i tasted like america
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
