i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
