I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
