I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
