another moral hangover. fuck.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
