Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
