my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
