i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
