If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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