Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I love having hate sex.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I am available for nakedness
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
