Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize