just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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