You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
